FilmWise Stuff
Welcome to FilmWise's FilmWise Stuff section and stuff. You'll never have to shop anywhere else again! We carry everything you'll ever need to buy, from gifts for loved ones to guilty pleasures for yourself. So browse your little heart out, and remember our catchy slogan: "You break it, you bought it."
Clothing & Accessories
Polo Shirts
Be the first person on your block show off your colors with the stylish FilmWise polo shirt. Available in black, white, mauve and kind of a turd brown.

$25.00 - Each

Availability: Out of stock

Scottish Kilts
These authentic kilts come from the heart of Scotland, and each one was individually touched by the Blarney Stone. Enjoy them all the time, at work or at play. Just don't forget to wear underwear!

$60.00 - Each

Availability: Out of stock

Built for comfort and style, these cotton briefs will please you and your privates to no end. And the FilmWise logo is printed right on the breadbasket! Or, if you choose to go with our crotchless design, enjoy the FilmWise logo on your bum!

$14.00 - Men's Standard, 3 pairs
$22.00 - Men's Crotchless, 3 pairs
$12.00 - Women's Standard, 3 pairs
$20.00 - Women's Crotchless, 3 pairs

Availability: Out of stock

Leather Chaps
If we could only use one word to describe these chaps, it would be: "Leather." But luckily we can use as many words as we want, so here goes: "Jesus Christ, these are some chaps! Leather."

See for yourself why these are our most popular item!

$175.00 - Each

Availability: Out of stock

Now you can see FilmWise all the time! These quality sunglasses have the FilmWise logo printed in reverse across the front of the lenses, so it will always read correctly to you! And if someone views you in their rear-view mirror*, it will read correctly to them too, just like you were an ambulance!

$18.50 - Each

Availability: Out of stock

* Please do not drive while wearing your FilmWise sunglasses.

StudBoy Watch
Never lose track of time again, cuz StudBoy will always point you to the correct time. Available in both "his" and "hers" models.

$80.00 - Men's model
$70.00 - Women's model

Availability: Out of stock

Solid Gold-Colored Money Clip
Whether you're breaking the casinos of Vegas or Monte Carlo or taking down the disgusting cardhouses in San Jose, CA, you can always look like a high-roller with your beautiful FilmWise money clip. Vegas, baby!

$0.85 - Each

Availability: Out of stock

Latex Condoms
These durable latex condoms are ribbed for her (or his) pleasure, and the FilmWise logo is printed lengthwise in glow-in-the-dark colors, which can only spell extra fun!

Available in Extra Small and Inhumanly Tiny.

$10.00 - Box of ten condoms

Availability: Out of stock

(Sorry, we pretty much snatched these up as soon as they came into the storeroom. It's so hard to find condoms that fit.)

FilmWise Branding Iron
Exercise your right to personal expression and self-mutilation by branding "FW" all over your body. It's a perfect fit for the chest, forearm, upper thigh, and the small of your back. Or brand it onto your butt, with "F" on one butt-cheek and "W" on the other!

$24.00 - Each
$12.00 - Optional self-heating attachment

Availability: Out of stock

For the Home
FilmWise Throw Rug
Spruce up every room in your house, and help advertise FilmWise, with this beautiful polyester throw rug. The logo will be so freaking huge, there's no way your guests will miss it. And it'll really tie the room together!

$595.00 - 12' x 18'
$395.00 - 8' x 12'
$195.00 - 6' x 9'

Availability: Out of stock

Shower Curtains
No crapper would be complete without FilmWise shower curtains. Made from transucent plastic, so you can watch your lover shower and be able to just make out their foggy body, just like every shower curtain in the movies.

$75.00 - Each

Availability: Out of stock

Replacement Shower Curtain Rings
Specially designed and hand-crafted for FilmWise, these curtain rings make the perfect gift for someone who already owns the FimWise shower curtain. Each ring is hand-printed with a movie trivia stumper. If you're like the boyz at FilmWise, puzzling over these rings may quickly become your second-favorite activity in the shower!

$24.00 - Set of 100 interchangeable rings

Availability: Out of stock

Automobile Airbags
Nobody likes to get in car crashes. But you can turn your next pile-up into an altogether pleasant experience with this FilmWise Air Bag. And it could save your life*! While the other involved parties will either have close-up views of their windshield or be knocked unconcious, you'll be drinking in the splendor that is the FilmWise logo!

$1,200.00 - Each
$450.00 - Installation

Availability: Out of stock

* The FilmWise Air Bag has not been safety tested, but we think it's pretty good.

Car Horn
The next time some jackass cuts you off on the freeway, imagine his surprise when your horn blares, "FILMWISE! FILMWISE!" at him. Guaranteed to turn road rage into a happy time for all!

Also available as an alarm!

$125.00 - Horn
$40.00 - Installation
$375.00 - Alarm
$50.00 - Installation

Availability: Out of stock

* Only available for Ford Fiestas, Volkswagen Vanagens, and early model Geo Storms.

FilmWise Pet
Find love and companionship with your very own FilmWise dog or cat, cuz God knows you're not gonna find human companionship spending your days and nights surfing the Internet.

Each FilmWise dog has been trained to sit, lie down and fetch, and they answer to the name "FilmWise." As an added bonus, their tongues have been removed, so you don't have to worry about any annoying midnight barking.

The cats haven't been trained to do anything cuz they're dumb as rocks, but a couple of them did look up when we said "FilmWise."

$100.00 - Dog version (shown)
$20.00 - Cat version
$175.00 - Monkey version (coming soon!)

Availability: Out of stock

Fun & Entertainment
"StudBoy and Nipples Take Las Vegas!"
Now you can own the movie that started a franchise! The film that was so good, it was viewed near Sundance and Cannes!

Experience again the zany antics of these two lovable gambling and carousing clowns as they try to break the bank in crazy Las Vegas. Watch it and remember why you fell in love with it all those years ago.

Rated R for naughty language and violence.

$99.00 - VHS
$14.00 - DVD

Availability: Out of stock

"StudBoy and Nipples Eat Frozen Yogurt!"
The sequel to end all sequels is finally available on home video! This musical extravaganza features no fewer than fifteen ensemble dance numbers, including "Toppings, My Toppings!", "I Wish I was Eating Ice Cream", and the timeless classic, "Send in the Cones"!

Robert Redford once said about a similar film, "I saw...a (movie)...It was (not)...bad."

Rated PG-13 for mild language.

$99.00 - VHS
$14.00 - DVD

Availability: Out of stock

"My Dinner with StudBoy"
See the Boyz as you've never seen them before! StudBoy and Nipples send the wives and girlfriends to the mall, and enjoy a peaceful evening, just the two of them, of fine dining and intelligent conversation. The Boyz cover all of today's most important issues, like political unrest in the Middle East, the Giants' chances of reaching the World Series, and Denise Richards' butt. Get your intellectual juices flowing with this, the third and final installment in the "StudBoy and Nipples" trilogy.

Rated NC-17 for language, general feelings of unease, and unconventional use of a pitching wedge.

$99.00 - VHS
$14.00 - DVD

Availability: Out of stock

Golf Balls
Be the envy of the Dalai Lama and everyone at the country club when you tee off with these FilmWise golf balls. Specially designed with a liquid titanium core so that some people can hit them really far.

$18.00 - Dozen

Availability: Out of stock

Pitching Wedge (used)
Get the deal of a lifetime with this mint-condition pitching wedge that's only been used once, and never on a golf course!


Availability: 1 on hand

StudBoy and Nipples Action Figures
Forget GI Joe! Screw Barbie and that pussy Ken! What every kid really needs is a set of StudBoy and Nipples action figures, with actual moving parts! StudBoy's left arm bends and his back arches. Nipples' neck turns and his left knee bends. And both of them have scary guns and hand grenades! Buy both figures and next time you see some little kids playing with a Power Ranger or a My Pretty Pony or whatever, laugh at them and kick the crap out of them. Cuz you've got StudBoy and Nipples!

$32.00 - StudBoy
$32.00 - Nipples

Availability: Out of stock